Wednesday, March 13, 2013
Paralysis
I struggle a lot with feelings of total paralysis. When you live in a state of constant crisis, not much else gets done. I ask, "Am I just lazy?" But then I remember my life is so very, very abnormal. Regular motherhood is stressful and overwhelming at times, no matter how rewarding. Being a constant caregiver magnifies everything by a hundred. I don't start projects because I know I won't be able to finish them. Today was a perfect example. I could have done so much, but Caroline's needs got in the way. I know it won't always be like this. It is what it is. My third child ask me why I am so tired all the time. Well, I chalk it up to the emotional strain and the lack of consistent exercise, and whatever else. Oh, and being 45. Oh, and the antidepressants that I have to take or else I end up in a ball on the floor. So I am soporific but sane. But today is a beautiful day, quiet and sunny. So at least I can enjoy this day that God has made. And I am.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
9 comments:
One day at a time my sweet friend... Love you!
Wow, I understand, I thought this week was going to be better so I started a project of painting my sons room, little did I know my other son's biplar depression would come back! I had to call my mom in to help finish the project while I spend time on the phone with the dr's to see if he could see someone before his apt. on monday....thank god the project is done, but no doctor until monday for my son...makes me anxious for him.
You put into words almost exactly how I feel. DD was just diagnosed as rapid cycling BP this past Friday. I have know it in my heart for a several years. Her first trip to psych was at age 4 and she is almost 13 yo. Expelled from school, in trouble with the law, I am so very tired all of the time trying to juggle all of the pieces of our lives and still having the 'plates' crash and fall to the floor. I have decided to try and not worry about her/our future as this only gets me so paralyzed with worry. I am trying my best to take it one day and one step at a time. Hang in there, my friend. Warm regards, Janice
I understand how you feel and you put my feelings into words. My dd was just diagnosed with rapid cycling BP. she is just turning 13 and her first visit to Psych was at age 4. She has been expelled from school and is in trouble with the law. Hoping that new Dr. and new meds will help stabalize her enough to get past these things. I am so very tired trying to juggle everything and working besides. My resolution this year has been to take one day at a time as thinking about her/our future just leaves me in a state of paralysis or depression. Please know that you are not alone and I think you are doing such a wonderful job. Thank you for sharing your experiences with us in your blog. Regards, Janice
I understand so well. Thank you. I just started to share my story, although it started years ago when my middle child turned six. I am grateful to have found your site. Peace, Ellen.
Please check out our story.
seekingeleanor.blogspot.com
This is a blessing to have stumbled across today. I am in the dark hell that consumes me with my daughter. I continue to have hope and now I know there is enormous possibilities of happiness again.
You really explained my life in one word... Paralysis! This was so fitting for me. Sometimes I feel like I'm the only one who feels this way and it was so wonderful and bittersweet to find someone who said it just like it is. Thank you for your honesty. My son, now 15, is in a therapeutic residential treatment facility for the very first time. I took him in about 2 weeks ago because we just didn't know what to do anymore. We miss him so much! I have a blog about him as well because I so needed an outlet! My verse for my son (and my other two children) is Jer.29:11 also! Today, the Lord has shown me 1 Corinthians 12:9-10 - I pray that it will be a blessing to you as well. For in our weakness, HE is strong! God bless you...
Thank you for sharing here. I know your pain. You are all in a place I can relate to so well. Keep praying, keep believing that God has a purpose for your child, that one day, maybe, they will have stability and you will have a life again. There are no guarantees, but if you are doing the best you can for your child, you are doing the right thing and you can have peace in that. I pray for your kids, that others will see the beauty locked inside of them. That they will know peace, not chaos. That they will have hope, not despair. That you will be able to breathe again.
It does get easier, dear friend. I'm not sure if we just get used to it, we eventually handle it better, the kids heal and learn to cope better on their own... or what, but it does get better. For myself, I have to remind myself daily (sometimes hourly) to "choose joy." http://marythemom-mayhem.blogspot.com/2013/01/finding-joy.html
Keep hanging in there and finding support! Sending hugs and prayers!
Mary
Post a Comment