About our Daughter

I am mother to four wonderful daughters, ages 17, 19, 21, and 23, and wife to the greatest husband on earth. God has given us a special child to raise one who was diagnosed with early-onset bipolar disorder at the age of seven, though she showed signs of it from the age of fifteen months. She also has ADHD, Sensory Integration Disorder (sensory seeking), Dyslexia, and Non-Verbal Learning Disorder-NOS, all typical comorbidities for a bipolar child. In spite of the trials, she enjoys lacrosse, running (finished her first marathon in October of 2014!), and reading and writing her own books. I will share with you the many joys and sorrows we have faced and will face in the future with the hope that you may find better understanding about this mental illness caused by both chemical and structural abnormalities in the brain. I desire that you will be encouraged by this blog if you are also dealing with a bipolar child. Thank you for reading and sharing in our journey.

How Did You Know She Was Bipolar So Young?

I wrote a long explanation of how we came to this bipolar diagnosis in a child so young under my post of March 19th of 2009. If your child or a child you know bears similarities, please seek out a good psychiatrist and don't wait for "things to get better." Often they will simply get worse, and the longer a child is unmedicated, the more damage their brain can accrue. Early diagnoses and treatment are key to providing these children with a chance at a successful life later as a teen and an adult.
Never change, start or stop a medication without the approval of your child's physician!

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

Paralysis

I struggle a lot with feelings of total paralysis.  When you live in a state of constant crisis, not much else gets done.  I ask, "Am I just lazy?"  But then I remember my life is so very, very abnormal.  Regular motherhood is stressful and overwhelming at times, no matter how rewarding.  Being a constant caregiver magnifies everything by a hundred.  I don't start projects because I know I won't be able to finish them.  Today was a perfect example.  I could have done so much, but Caroline's needs got in the way.  I know it won't always be like this.  It is what it is.  My third child ask me why I am so tired all the time.  Well, I chalk it up to the emotional strain and the lack of consistent exercise, and whatever else.  Oh, and being 45.  Oh, and the antidepressants that I have to take or else I end up in a ball on the floor.  So I am soporific but sane.   But today is a beautiful day, quiet and sunny.  So at least I can enjoy this day that God has made.   And I am.

9 comments:

Kim Wilson said...

One day at a time my sweet friend... Love you!

Anonymous said...

Wow, I understand, I thought this week was going to be better so I started a project of painting my sons room, little did I know my other son's biplar depression would come back! I had to call my mom in to help finish the project while I spend time on the phone with the dr's to see if he could see someone before his apt. on monday....thank god the project is done, but no doctor until monday for my son...makes me anxious for him.

Anonymous said...

You put into words almost exactly how I feel. DD was just diagnosed as rapid cycling BP this past Friday. I have know it in my heart for a several years. Her first trip to psych was at age 4 and she is almost 13 yo. Expelled from school, in trouble with the law, I am so very tired all of the time trying to juggle all of the pieces of our lives and still having the 'plates' crash and fall to the floor. I have decided to try and not worry about her/our future as this only gets me so paralyzed with worry. I am trying my best to take it one day and one step at a time. Hang in there, my friend. Warm regards, Janice

Anonymous said...

I understand how you feel and you put my feelings into words. My dd was just diagnosed with rapid cycling BP. she is just turning 13 and her first visit to Psych was at age 4. She has been expelled from school and is in trouble with the law. Hoping that new Dr. and new meds will help stabalize her enough to get past these things. I am so very tired trying to juggle everything and working besides. My resolution this year has been to take one day at a time as thinking about her/our future just leaves me in a state of paralysis or depression. Please know that you are not alone and I think you are doing such a wonderful job. Thank you for sharing your experiences with us in your blog. Regards, Janice

Ellen said...

I understand so well. Thank you. I just started to share my story, although it started years ago when my middle child turned six. I am grateful to have found your site. Peace, Ellen.

Please check out our story.
seekingeleanor.blogspot.com

Anonymous said...

This is a blessing to have stumbled across today. I am in the dark hell that consumes me with my daughter. I continue to have hope and now I know there is enormous possibilities of happiness again.

Fletchers said...

You really explained my life in one word... Paralysis! This was so fitting for me. Sometimes I feel like I'm the only one who feels this way and it was so wonderful and bittersweet to find someone who said it just like it is. Thank you for your honesty. My son, now 15, is in a therapeutic residential treatment facility for the very first time. I took him in about 2 weeks ago because we just didn't know what to do anymore. We miss him so much! I have a blog about him as well because I so needed an outlet! My verse for my son (and my other two children) is Jer.29:11 also! Today, the Lord has shown me 1 Corinthians 12:9-10 - I pray that it will be a blessing to you as well. For in our weakness, HE is strong! God bless you...

Megan said...

Thank you for sharing here. I know your pain. You are all in a place I can relate to so well. Keep praying, keep believing that God has a purpose for your child, that one day, maybe, they will have stability and you will have a life again. There are no guarantees, but if you are doing the best you can for your child, you are doing the right thing and you can have peace in that. I pray for your kids, that others will see the beauty locked inside of them. That they will know peace, not chaos. That they will have hope, not despair. That you will be able to breathe again.

marythemom said...

It does get easier, dear friend. I'm not sure if we just get used to it, we eventually handle it better, the kids heal and learn to cope better on their own... or what, but it does get better. For myself, I have to remind myself daily (sometimes hourly) to "choose joy." http://marythemom-mayhem.blogspot.com/2013/01/finding-joy.html

Keep hanging in there and finding support! Sending hugs and prayers!

Mary