tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-48720697638049450282024-03-13T23:19:54.190-04:00a bipolar daughter and the family who loves herA blog for anyone who needs to know they are not alone in raising a bipolar child.Unknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger685125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4872069763804945028.post-77709593934543143132017-04-21T15:25:00.002-04:002017-04-21T15:33:30.875-04:00I stopped blogging, but here is why...Many have reached out and wondered why I stopped blogging. The truth is she is doing SO WELL! At 21, she is attending community college, applying to Physical Therapy Assistant School, and running marathons. She makes her own psychotherapy and psychiatry appointments, refills her meds on her own, takes them regularly and self-monitors like a champ. She lives at home but will likely move into her own apartment this summer. She started her own dog sitting business and works part-time at an optometrist office and even does the initial patient exams. We NEVER thought she would ever be able to do these things. The key to her success is that she went to Meridell Achievement Center years ago where they got her on the right med mix (still <b>7 </b>different meds!) and has always gone to counseling faithfully. And the biggest thanks goes to God who has been the One she still credits with her turnaround when she was 13 and went to five months in the best residential treatment facility we could find.<br />
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My advice: NEVER give up finding the best providers for your child. DON'T rely on the public school alone to give your child what they need. You need the SUPPORT systems for the whole family that you need to FIND and KEEP, whether online through the parent groujps on the Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance <a href="http://www.dbsalliance.org/">www.dbsalliance.org </a>or in the nearest city if it has better providers. We drove an hour and a half away for a time to get our daughter what she needed. Take care of your own needs and those of the siblings who should all be counseling as well. PRAY hard and ask for help. Also don't be AFRAID to medicate. Really. I'll say it again. DON'T BE AFRAID TO MEDICATE. Medications have SAVED her life. She was not functional before we found the right mix and yes it is A LOT. Some kids have severe bipolar disorder. Don't think that the just-do-essential-oil-and-all-natural-remedies approach is going to work for MOST bipolar kids. I'm shooting straight here because I get so tired of parents telling me that their kid is a mess and they don't want to medicate. Really? So you would rather they suffer? And not have a life? Get over it!!! Loving your child isn't hoping for the best while denying them what they need.<br />
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God is good. Trust Him, take care of yourself, and never give up. Intervene early. Stay connected even if it is just online. <br />
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Blessings, Megan<br />
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4872069763804945028.post-39310213169482931092015-05-20T18:37:00.001-04:002015-05-20T18:37:18.611-04:00She graduated from High School!!!!The day arrived and she did it! She walked across that stage and took her hard-earned diploma today. Praise God! There were many times we weren't sure how she would finish high school, but she kept plugging along, and with the help of fabulous teachers, psychologists, psychiatrists, mentors, and God himself, she reached her goal. We are so proud of her! Time to celebrate! Unknownnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4872069763804945028.post-70969641275244636182015-05-08T19:32:00.001-04:002015-05-08T19:32:40.037-04:00Meridell and How Do You Know it is Time to Seek Residential Treatment?I get this question a lot, and I thought I would just answer it right here. If your child has been hospitalized several times without good effect, if the right med mix seemingly can't be found outpatient, if they are a consistent danger to themselves or you or their siblings, if they have given up hope that they can ever be anything but a failure in relationships, in school and at home, don't hesitate to consider residential treatment. This is a last resort, but it shouldn't be out of the question. To do nothing but what you have been doing without good lasting results is foolish. <br />
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That being said, do your homework. There are great residential centers and some poor ones. The poor ones would be worse than not going. Find the best you can afford. We choose Meridell because of its reputation. We didn't live anywhere near Texas, but it was worth it. I would take out a second mortgage if I had to. The experience changed our daughter's life for the good, and she is still grateful she went. <br />
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I think the key test is if the stress level is so great at home that everyone's mental health is seriously affected, you need to look at residential, to give your child real hope and to give yourself a much needed break. Unknownnoreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4872069763804945028.post-82572812243123143132015-04-10T18:55:00.003-04:002015-04-10T18:55:43.713-04:00Needs a Job after GraduationSo the summer is almost upon us and high school is almost done, forever! Caroline needs a job and so if you are a praying person, pray that just the right one will come her way, preferably sports-related. Just found out the district will most likely pay for her final year of enrollment at the technical college to become a personal trainer for next year. Unbelievable! Our school district rocks!! On another note, I am beginning classes to become a real estate broker. I had been looking a various career options now that she is stable and nearly out of school and after a lot of prayer and thought, I am embarking on this new phase of life. Freedom! Excited and scared to death at the same time. I haven't been able to work outside of the home for any significant amount of time since she was diagnosed twelve years ago. But being at home with her was important and worth it. Not sure she would be where she is without the constant presence I was able to provide. Many parents out there aren't so fortunate, I know.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4872069763804945028.post-39775874227469370582015-03-09T11:44:00.003-04:002015-03-09T11:44:50.668-04:00Trying Gluten Free for MigrainesWith a big uptick in daily migraines, we are looking for every possible cause. On her own, she decided to try going gluten free for a while to see if this will make a difference. I had to eliminate gluten and dairy two years ago and found that my digestive issues miraculously disappeared, but not the migraines. Mine are definitely weather related. Hers seems to be weather and who knows what. We watched her get a sudden migraine right after finishing her birthday dinner at a restaurant on Saturday, so the food connection seems plausible. Might be time to get a complete sensitivity test done. Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4872069763804945028.post-54592079289615832062015-03-05T22:44:00.001-05:002015-03-05T22:44:29.131-05:00Headaches and Scrolling Vision There has been an unfortunate increase in these episodes of headaches and scrolling vision. She is tearful and frustrated because of how much they have been interfering with her school life recently. She was diagnosed with hypothyroidism a few months ago and we have had to make some adjustments after the addition of the synthroid. We first had to increase the Lamictal by 25 mgs for some mania but this may have precipitated the headaches. So we go back to the doc as soon as possible so we can come up with a solution. Maybe we need to get her into a neurologist. Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4872069763804945028.post-30286658054606403422015-03-03T10:00:00.000-05:002015-03-03T10:00:20.212-05:00Lacrosse Replaced by Marathon TrainingSo Caroline has hung up her lacrosse sticks for good after a disappointing experience on her high school team the last two seasons. Basically, the coach wouldn't play her during the games more than a few minutes. This is the girl that has been pursued by college recruiters. I think it was discriminatory based on her bipolar diagnosis and on her previous concussions her freshman year. She did play last summer on a travel team, and was always a starter and got lots of play time, so the issue was definitely with this coach. <br />
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The good news is Caroline loves to run and started training for her first marathon last summer, and finished the Denver Rock N' Roll in October. Now she is training for her next marathon in Utah. Yes, this child of mine is remarkable considering the myriad of obstacles she has had to overcome since she was first diagnosed at the age of seven. She turns nineteen this week. We can hardly believe she is on her way to adulthood. When we think of the many years of complete despair and difficulty, this is a miracle indeed. Gratefulness overwhelms us. <br />
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Another positive development has been her relationship with her oldest sister. Caroline has longed for reconciliation and wrote a letter to her last fall asking for forgiveness for the many events that unfolded while she was unstable. Elizabeth, much to our surprise, embraced her sister's conciliatory note wholeheartedly, even getting a tattoo on her foot in Hannah's bold signature (not so excited about tattoos but nonetheless we are delighted.) <br />
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God is good. Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4872069763804945028.post-42327341496464445472015-03-02T18:36:00.000-05:002015-03-02T18:36:38.768-05:00The Light at the End of a Very Long TunnelWe are almost there. She is going to graduate from high school in a few months. We truly were not sure if we would ever get this far. Life is peaceful, normal, predictable. I wish that each of you would get to experience a place like this. There were many times we wondered if she would have long term stability and be able to finish school so well. But she has. She is still doing the online high school but she is also dual enrolled at a local technical school to become a personal trainer. Excelling would be the word. She still struggles with friendships as I think she has a high level of fear and trust issues. But she is hopeful and positive, and moving forward with life. She fills up her own med box, makes her own psychiatry and psychologist appointments, drives herself everywhere she needs to go, and wants to fly the nest soon. We have told her she needs to live with us for another year and have a job before she can move out (obviously) but she plans meals, shops for groceries, and cooks for us frequently. What more could we ask? To God be the Glory, Great Things He Has Done! Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4872069763804945028.post-7661214503805021112014-01-28T09:25:00.002-05:002014-01-28T09:25:54.230-05:00Steroids, Antibiotics and Bipolar DisorderI just wanted to post a quick note that we have seen Caroline react to both steroids and antibiotics in a negative way, usually with mania. This phenomenon has been noted by other parents of bipolar kids on the Balanced Mind chat room. Obviously if a kid needs steroids or antibiotics, they need them and you just have to watch them carefully or add more of the mood stabilizers to the mix, per your doc of course. With all the illnesses going around, this is probably an issue for many out there. Unknownnoreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4872069763804945028.post-31668862135164818342014-01-27T14:28:00.000-05:002014-01-27T14:28:02.467-05:00Haven't Written in Forever, Here's WhyI have discovered that when things are going really, really well, I don't want to come here. I started writing this blog when things were almost at their worst. There had been the very worst in the prior years, which, if you have read any of this blog, is probably hard to fathom. But I associate this blog with hard, hard, dark places. We have had many victories, large and small, but for many years, I would write and sob. I am sure you know what I mean if you have a bipolar child. <br />
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So since this summer, since Caroline started the online public high school through our district, she has been doing so well. This seems to be the right fit for right now, and likely through the end of high school. She is a junior now and we are looking at the possibilities after high school, which at this point are 1. going to be close to home and 2. don't involve college lacrosse. The first is our stipulation, the second was her recent decision. She is so mature for her age. She doesn't want to risk another concussion and thereby risk her future schooling and career. Wow, she amazes us with her insight into herself.<br />
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She wants to be a physical therapy assistant. There is a two year program not too far away. She could live at home and drive there every day and work as well. We just want to be sure she can manage college classes and managing her meds and moods. Then she could move out and either continue in a four year college or just start working.<br />
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We have had to make some minor med adjustments, but nothing big. The same med mix she has been on for almost six years has been the right cocktail apparently. This is HUGE as a factor in her success in school. <br />
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We did find out she is very allergic to sulfa drugs and ended up in the hospital for a few days after the start of a bad reaction to Bactrim. They put her on steroids which led to mania, which we nipped in the bud as we were looking for it. Praise God for the experiences of the past! <br />
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One very cool thing is that Caroline has become quite the long distance runner, which is great for her moods. She will play lacrosse in the spring, but running provides a nice pre-season workout and will be a good future alternative. She runs four to eight miles during her weekday runs, and up to twelve on Saturdays. Yeah, twelve! <br />
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So all is good. I know things could change. They could change tomorrow. So we are thankful for today. And for the last six months. I pray that your child will find the same stability soon.<br />
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4872069763804945028.post-639218735693862132013-09-28T15:30:00.003-04:002013-09-28T15:30:36.693-04:00Scrolling Vision Issue Solved?Well, we tried a reduction in the Trileptal, which was at 1800 mgs since Meridell. She is now on 1500 mgs, and guess what? No episodes of scrolling vision!! This has been true for the last four weeks. So maybe the scrolling vision had nothing to do with the concussions! If that is so, then so much of the issues she had in school last year might have been avoided, but we are still more satisfied with the online high school option. And this makes the whole lacrosse/concussion issue look less concerning. Not completely, but a little less. Her moods haven't changed with the reduction either, thank goodness! Unknownnoreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4872069763804945028.post-52618435587731200592013-09-04T10:49:00.002-04:002013-09-04T10:50:35.476-04:00College Lacrosse or No?Such a big decision. Do we allow her to go on the recruiting circuit, with coaches contacting her from around the country, or do we put this dream to rest, as an impractical one. Being bipolar is hard, very hard. Life is ten times more challenging. College will be very challenging. Playing lacrosse plus college, maybe far too much. As a junior, life moves very quickly through the end of high school. She still has the SATs, the ACTS, college visits, applications, and so much more. Yet her dream of playing college lacrosse has been what has kept her marching on despite everything. I am not sure what would happen if that dream dies. Praying for wisdom.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4872069763804945028.post-71750693718769622032013-08-29T10:42:00.000-04:002013-08-29T10:42:46.439-04:00Huge Milestone: Five Years Without a Hospitalization!!We have now gone five years without a single psychiatric hospitalization since her three and a half month stay at Meridell Achievement Center in Liberty Hill, TX, where she received intensive residential treatment. There the doctors were able to find just the right medication mix, which she has been on since then with just a few tweaks here and there and the addition of Lamictal. Very few bipolar teens have gone so long without a stay in acute care. Prior to going to Meridell, she had many, many hospitalizations. I just can't say enough about this place. Please don't hesitate to look into long-term residential treatment at the right place if you can't achieve stability for your child through what is available locally. We travelled across the country to get her the best care we could find. Sometimes you have to do things you never thought you would do. But joy comes in the morning so to speak. We don't regret sending her away and neither does she. But don't just look for a place that focuses on behavioral therapy and downplays the role of medication. If your child is truly bipolar or schizophrenic or seriously depressed, behavioral therapy alone can't fix this. You will just be putting a band aid on a much bigger problem. The behavioral aspect can't be truly addressed if they are not on the right medications. We have had far, far fewer behavioral issues to deal with once Caroline was put on the right mix of meds. Academic problems, yes, but now major behavioral problems. There is hope!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4872069763804945028.post-41216861364203229602013-08-26T14:02:00.000-04:002013-08-26T14:02:01.108-04:00Online High SchoolSo far, with one week into the experiment with the online high school offered through our school district, the verdict is a good one. Caroline loves it. She is still having trouble with math, but that isn't anything new. The good news is that she can go to the district offices (two blocks from our house) where the online high school teachers have office space and get help one-on-one whenever she needs it. Couldn't get better than this! Most of the classes have weekly assignment deadlines, so she can decide on a daily basis which subjects to do first. She could finish everything by Friday if she wanted to so that she has the weekend sans homework. I really, really hope this works. She can still participate in lacrosse with the local high school too. And she has daily discussions about the subject material with the other teens who are enrolled in the online school. We are so grateful to be in a school district with this kind of option. The program seems quite organized and well-run. As the semester progresses, we will see if this turns out as we all hoped. Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4872069763804945028.post-43307240523499092752013-08-12T22:40:00.003-04:002013-08-12T22:40:44.646-04:00Summer is Almost Over, School is LoomingEveryone starts school next week. We are still trying to work out the kinks with the Online High School. Because they are not offering Spanish or Chemistry online, she will have to take these two classes at the high school. This wasn't anticipated so we have to help Caroline accept that she won't be able to do everything online like she wanted to. We have two meetings tomorrow to sort out the details. Hopefully we can get the classes at the times she needs.<br />
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I am weary. Summer has its unique challenges. I think overall it has gone very well. No big crises. I am trying to find out about fall lacrosse opportunities. Got to keep her in the loop socially and athletically. <br />
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I am tired. Why I thought i would get anything done over the summer is puzzling. My house is a wreck, half-painted, boxes half-emptied, laundry backed up. We did a lot of traveling this summer, and my kids did too (camps, etc.) So, maybe the fall will be better than last fall as far as a little time to breathe. I always hope for this, and it usually doesn't work out. Oh well. But I am counting down the years left til graduation, just two more! I love her to death, but it would be nice to be done with high school!!<br />
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Her more recent thyroid test did come back low. I am hoping to get her on some thyroid medication because she is one sleepy girl. All day, kind of comatose. She sleeps way too much. <br />
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Speaking of sleepy, I am heading to bed. Goodnight!!<br />
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4872069763804945028.post-50176654132969733352013-07-13T15:51:00.002-04:002013-07-13T15:51:51.438-04:00Sorry for the Lack of PostsNot really any particular reason. Summer busy-ness I guess. All is ok. I don't think I can ever say great, right? We are just kind of bumping along. Caroline is taking summer school Geometry which isn't going that well. She loves her new teacher, but the class is only three weeks long for one semester of Geometry, and it is too fast for her. She might be retaking it again in the fall.<br />
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I think we are 99.9% sure we are homeschooling next year, using the district's online high school. She was so stressed out last year, and so were we. Wasn't worth it. And she had seriously the best IEP team in the country I would vouch. But a big public high school wasn't the right fit, and the small self-contained special ed classroom would not have been the right fit either as the kids were pretty intellectually challenged. She is entirely relieved. I worry about her taking the SATs next year, but we will be enlisting a tutor beginning in August. <br />
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Medically she started running a little "high," which looks like obsessiveness for her, so she is taking a bit more lithium. But she is also going to be going on thyroid medication as she is clinically low (probably caused by the lithium,) which accounts for the low energy and sleepiness she has experienced all year.<br />
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She has played some summer lacrosse, but not much at all compared to usual. Her knee is nearly 100% better following surgery. There is a fall league she might join up in Denver. I know she is longing to really scrimmage.<br />
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I hope your summer is going ok. Summer can be hard, or really good, it would seem. Caroline often does best in the summer. Maybe it is the lack of school stress, or the sunny days. I too do better with lots of sun. That is one of the reasons we jumped at the chance to move to Colorado. Despite the cold, it is sunny most of the time. <br />
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Talk to you soon!<br />
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4872069763804945028.post-12909568281809571652013-05-21T19:08:00.002-04:002013-05-21T19:08:51.739-04:00Not Going to CampCaroline took the news about her not going to the camp in Canada really well. She was relieved actually. Between the knee surgery and her need for sleep, she was worried that things would go wrong. We have come up with an alternate plan, which involves the beach, which she is very happy about. So even though we are losing some money, the peace of mind we have now is worth it. <br />
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This is the last week of school. She is being exempted from her English and Biology final exams. She has only a big history project to turn in, and a few English assignments and she is done. I am feeling myself relaxing already. Like a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders now that school is almost done. Still don't know what we are doing next year. We need some time to think and pray about it.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4872069763804945028.post-27886522605156338302013-05-10T13:28:00.000-04:002013-05-10T13:28:17.597-04:00The Big "Where Should She Go to School" Decision, AgainOnce again, we are not sure where Caroline should go to school next year. The big public high school hasn't been that great, even with a well-followed IEP. She is begging me to home school her, but I don't know that I want to. The other options are the online high school for this district, an alternative school around the corner, or a private, smaller school, likely Christian. Just praying for direction and wisdom. This is one of the hardest parts of raising a bp kid, the whole educational aspect. Nothing seems to be a perfect fit, and sometimes not even a good fit. I want to do what is best for her academically and socially, but I want it to be best for me too.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4872069763804945028.post-15828145349505740772013-05-09T12:20:00.003-04:002013-05-09T12:20:56.363-04:00Another Crisis, Another DayThis kid is amazingly accident prone! Two weeks ago she did something to her knee in lacrosse practice, resulting in severe pain and a trip to the ER. She was given Norco, and a heavy duty knee brace and we waited to get in with the orthopedic doc. Got the MRI, saw the doc and he says that she nearly dislocated her knee cap, and in doing so, broke off a piece of cartilage under her knee cap, which then moved into her knee joint, causing the severe pain. She has to have it removed to avoid further damage to her joint. So she has surgery scheduled May 17th. In the meantime, she has been home from school while on the narcotic pain meds, and receiving home bound tutoring again, which she hates. School ends May 24th, and once again she is behind. She went back to school this morning because the is OK without the heavy duty pain meds and can get by on Tylenol. <br />
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In the midst of this, we have decided not to let her go to the camp in Canada in three weeks that she has been looking forward to all year. There are just too many risks, especially with her knee, so soon after surgery. And we realized that in order to get to the camp, she has to be up all night on a red-eye flight, changing planes in the middle of the night, and then transferring to a bus in the middle of the night to connect to a ferry. Going without sleep is a sure recipe for mania. That would be a horrible start to a week of camp. She is going to hate us. But we just can't let her do this. We are going to come up with an alternate vacation, maybe to a beach. This year has been such a bummer. If I could afford to take her to Hawaii, I would, seriously. She deserves it.<br />
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4872069763804945028.post-6146390167800161802013-04-10T14:15:00.000-04:002013-04-10T14:15:14.721-04:00Feeling Like a FailureDo you ever feel like a failure as a mom? I am struggling with those feelings this week. I have been sick for 10 days, and sick enough that I have spent a lot of time in bed, doing nothing, or sitting in front of the T.V. doing nothing. The house is a mess, the laundry backed up, the fridge was beginning to stink, my papers had exploded everywhere in the kitchen because I started a project and then got sick and couldn't finish. My kids are frustrated with the mess, even though they help to create it, but my husband is a gem. I am so glad the kids do their own laundry. At least that isn't my responsibility. And I did get Caroline to thoroughly clean her room this weekend, which was huge as her room looked like a bomb had gone off in it.<br />
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But I think my struggle is deeper than the chaos of the last 10 days. I sense a lot of disappointment from my younger two, over a lot of things. Some of it is false expectations that they need to get over, some is legitimate over having a bipolar sister who takes so much attention, but some of it is disappointment with me as their mom. I haven't always kept my promises. I have made promises I never should have made. I have been too harsh at times, and not strict enough at others. I really wished for the perfect home life for my kids. And of course perfection is a myth, but I find myself still longing for something I can't have. <br />
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I am thankful that I know God is faithful, when we are faithless. I know the truth, it is just that sometimes my feelings loom larger. I just want to be over being sick, and I want to get through the paperwork involved in buying this house we are renting, oh, and doing our taxes, and getting organized enough before school gets out May 28th that the summer won't feel so overwhelming. <br />
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At least Caroline is stable. I have to say that every day to remind myself of all the blessings that come out of that one thing.<br />
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4872069763804945028.post-45215290109292494172013-04-07T16:36:00.001-04:002013-04-07T16:36:07.893-04:00Back to School, Part-Time, Holding SteadyI haven't been writing because I have been sick and before that I was super crazy busy from about mid-March. Lacrosse season and soccer season are in full swing, so adding the games and practices to our crazy family schedule has put me behind in everything, including doing our taxes!<br />
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Caroline has started back to school, one period added each week. So far the results have been mixed. Some days she has gotten the migraine aura of the visual disturbances, and some days she hasn't, while wearing the special prismatic glasses. I thought this would happen. I have a feeling that we aren't going to see a miraculous "cure" or perfect solution to her sensitivity to florescent lights, or the projectors. Not sure at this point of she will finish out school at the public high school this year. We will see how this week goes. If we don't see major change, we may just have to homeschool the rest of high school. I can't even think about what to do about college yet. One bridge at a time.<br />
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She is in heaven with the lacrosse side of things. She is wearing a rugby helmet, the only one on the team who does. So far, no injuries, no collisions. She is making some amazing goals. We are so proud of her! We pray that her season continues concussion-free of course.<br />
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For those who have commented recently, please know how encouraged I am when you comment here. I do read them and sometimes I don't have time to reply like I want to. You are blessing to me and I hope this blog is a blessing to you! We are in this together!! For us it has been ten years and God has been so good to bring us stability now for the last four years or so. I believe this kind of stability can be found for your child as well, with lots of trial and error and the right help. It might take years, but I really believe if you keep pursuing and advocating, solutions can be found. Not a cure, not perfection, not even a truly"normal" child, but a much improved quality of life, for your child, and for your family. <br />
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4872069763804945028.post-45184212885290979312013-03-14T09:04:00.003-04:002013-03-14T09:04:59.552-04:00We Missed Her First High School Varsity GameYes, my fault. I messed up the times of the JV and Varsity games. She scored some amazing goal in the Varsity game apparently. But they put her in the JV game too so we got to watch her score several goals. Sigh. One day I will get it right! Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4872069763804945028.post-56740444501443806392013-03-13T15:11:00.000-04:002013-03-13T15:11:07.726-04:00ParalysisI struggle a lot with feelings of total paralysis. When you live in a state of constant crisis, not much else gets done. I ask, "Am I just lazy?" But then I remember my life is so very, very abnormal. Regular motherhood is stressful and overwhelming at times, no matter how rewarding. Being a constant caregiver magnifies everything by a hundred. I don't start projects because I know I won't be able to finish them. Today was a perfect example. I could have done so much, but Caroline's needs got in the way. I know it won't always be like this. It is what it is. My third child ask me why I am so tired all the time. Well, I chalk it up to the emotional strain and the lack of consistent exercise, and whatever else. Oh, and being 45. Oh, and the antidepressants that I have to take or else I end up in a ball on the floor. So I am soporific but sane. But today is a beautiful day, quiet and sunny. So at least I can enjoy this day that God has made. And I am. Unknownnoreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4872069763804945028.post-32187446753041601362013-03-11T15:53:00.002-04:002013-03-11T15:53:34.460-04:00What is My Responsibility? What is hersI have a feeling I need to stop hovering. I am hovering over Caroline constantly: "Have you done this, have you done that, when is this due, don't forget to include this in your paper..." etc, ad nauseum. I am so stressed out over whether or not she will be able to keep her grades up enough to play lacrosse that my stomach hurts. I just don't want to deal with the fall out if she ends up sitting on the bench for the season. The end of the quarter is officially the 15th. I think we will have some wiggle room next week as far as turning stuff in. But I can't even breathe today. Having a hard time letting go of her, of my desire to make sure everything is done, done correctly, turned in within a reasonable amount of time. This is exhausting. Makes you just want to crawl in bed and pull the covers up over your head until school gets out for the summer. I can't believe we have two more years of this. I would love to think she won't need us to hover over her after the end of this semester, but I can't imagine her doing this on her own. She misses the fine details of big assignments. I don't know how she is going to handle college at this point.<br />
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And as we are looking to buy a house this summer, we are realizing we have to deeply lower our expectations of what we can afford now that he is in full time ministry. I am having a hard time with this because I certainly don't want another fixer-upper. We have had enough of that . Raising Caroline is stressful enough. We don't have the energy to deal with an old house that needs a lot of remodeling and repairs. Ugh! You would hope that something in our lives would be easy! <br />
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Went to the gym to try to de-stress and it didn't help. Drove around looking at houses and that really didn't help as everything I liked was way out of our price range. Came home to my messy house and that didn't help. I need Jesus today.<br />
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4872069763804945028.post-48266841502298605392013-03-09T08:59:00.001-05:002013-03-09T08:59:02.268-05:00Birthday Surprise!Caroline's lacrosse coach surprised her with cupcakes and a spontaneous chorus of Happy Birthday from her teammates at the end of practice yesterday. Yes, so nice! Thank you, Lord, for another affirmation of your love. Made Caroline's day, probably her whole year actually.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0