About our Daughter

I am mother to four wonderful daughters, ages 17, 19, 21, and 23, and wife to the greatest husband on earth. God has given us a special child to raise one who was diagnosed with early-onset bipolar disorder at the age of seven, though she showed signs of it from the age of fifteen months. She also has ADHD, Sensory Integration Disorder (sensory seeking), Dyslexia, and Non-Verbal Learning Disorder-NOS, all typical comorbidities for a bipolar child. In spite of the trials, she enjoys lacrosse, running (finished her first marathon in October of 2014!), and reading and writing her own books. I will share with you the many joys and sorrows we have faced and will face in the future with the hope that you may find better understanding about this mental illness caused by both chemical and structural abnormalities in the brain. I desire that you will be encouraged by this blog if you are also dealing with a bipolar child. Thank you for reading and sharing in our journey.

How Did You Know She Was Bipolar So Young?

I wrote a long explanation of how we came to this bipolar diagnosis in a child so young under my post of March 19th of 2009. If your child or a child you know bears similarities, please seek out a good psychiatrist and don't wait for "things to get better." Often they will simply get worse, and the longer a child is unmedicated, the more damage their brain can accrue. Early diagnoses and treatment are key to providing these children with a chance at a successful life later as a teen and an adult.
Never change, start or stop a medication without the approval of your child's physician!

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

For Real?

Our heating system for the downstairs has died apparently.  My poor husband looks exceedingly anxious this morning, which in turn makes me feel panicked.  I feel worse for him than I do for the rest of us because I know he feels like the weight of the world is on his shoulders.  Maybe the Navy will call today and reenlist him.  I loved KLOVE's encouraging word of the day, from Isaiah 40:11, "He will feed his flock like a shepherd.  He will carry the lambs in his arms, holding them close to his heart.  He will gently lead the mother sheep with their young." I cling to this promise today.

(To sign up for KLOVE's encouraging word of the day, go to www.klove.com.  Everything they send seems to speak to the crisis of the moment in my life.  Maybe it will encourage you too!)

Sunday, November 28, 2010

A New Way To Help CABF Win $250,000 by Tuesday

We have only two days left to help the Child and Adolescent Bipolar Foundation win a $250,000 grant to further their amazing work on behalf of our special kids and their families.  The latest winning strategy is to vote for eight organizations that have agreed to vote for us in turn.  The link to vote for these eight non-profits in one fell swoop is http://pep.si/fypFk0.  Please don't give up!  We can move up to number two and still win the grant!

Thanksgiving Was a Four

On of a five point scale.  So really pretty good as far as Thanksgivings go.  We saw family in the DC area, did a small bit of shopping (very small but it was fun), and in general it was great.  The only down side was that our hotel was too far away from the action, even though it was bed bug free, and we left the automatic pill dispenser at my husband's sister's house!  I am glad to be back but now the Nutcracker takes over my life until Dec. 13th.  I hope you all had a good Thanksgiving!

Off Topic: Shop for Diamonds the Ethical Way

We are not in the market for diamonds this year, and really mostly never.  But I have been eyeing a ring for our 20th anniversary which is coming up in a few years.  Hopefully by then my hubby will have a job!  Having heard so much about the shady diamond industry around the world, and being especially disturbed by the violence associated with much of it, I decided to look up diamond jewelry that is not obtained by the usual means.  A company called Brilliant Earth has a great website with all kinds of jewelry that is obtained ethically and without damage to the environment.  Just thought you might like to know.  The link is www.brilliantearth.com.  They have a great site and beautiful jewelry, not just diamonds.  Happy shopping!

Thursday, November 25, 2010

I Forgot One More Thing That I am SOOOO Thankful For!

You, my blogger friends, who encourage me daily by sharing your own wisdom, experience, triumphs and trials.  You are my biggest source of blessing outside of my own family.  Thank you for reading and writing!  Have a wonderful Thanksgiving!!

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

What Are You Thankful For This Year?

We have had a rough fall, but I know we still have so much to be thankful for, like a roof over our heads, food in the pantry, cars that run, health insurance, a good marriage, great kids, and the privilege of living in a country that is free of war, famine, most of the terrible diseases in the world, and that we can vote for our government.

And I am grateful to God who has carried me for so many years.  What are you thankful for?

Making Up for Lost Time

That's what we have to do now that Caroline has missed over a week of school.  With the holidays approaching I am very concerned about catching her up on Algebra in particular.  I know that every year she will miss a couple of weeks in the fall and again in the late winter/early spring because of mood swings and med adjustments, but add in a physical health issue requiring hospitalization and I start to get very nervous.  I wish I didn't have to be responsible for her schooling but honestly there are no better alternatives right now.  Time to start the day!  I hope you have a great Thanksgiving, a peaceful one hopefully.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Off Topic: Bed Bug Registry for Hotels

I don't know about you, but I am quite concerned about the increasing infestations of bed bugs being reported around the country.  The thought of bringing those things into our house in our suitcases is appalling.  The last thing we need on top of everything else is a very expensive treatment (I think $5000 to $8000) to cook all the bugs in our house.  So I found a registry where you can look up any hotel around the country to see if guests have reported bed bugs.  I used this to book our hotels for Thanksgiving and found that all of the hotels we had stayed at previously had bed bug reports, some very bad.  So I found a hotel that is brand new and has no bed bug reports.  Just thought I would pass this on!  The link is www.bedbugregistry.com.  Of course, we might still encounter these horrid pests, but at least we tried hard to avoid them!

Monday, November 22, 2010

Forgot Two More Very Important Tips!

I forgot two of the most important tips to surviving the holidays with a bp child!

A.  If your child is having regular rages, has recently been hospitalized, or is in general not doing well at all, forget traveling at all, which leads to the next tip...

B.  Always buy trip insurance if you are getting plane tickets, hotel rooms, etc.  You just never know if your child will suddenly take a turn for the worse and your trip would be hellish if you proceeded.   This is just life with a special needs child, and flexibility is the new norm.

Tips for Surviving the Holidays with a Bipolar Kid

Here are my top ten suggestions based on our own personal experiences over the last seven years:

1.  If you are driving longer than an hour to get to where you are going, try to take two cars and put the bp kid in one, and the other siblings in the other.  You will not regret this.  We had a truly awful experience one year that nearly permanently destroyed Caroline's relationship with her older sister.  I think we all had PTSD from that drive.  I still shudder at the thought of it.

2.   If you are flying, try not to take the earliest flights out.  With the sleep issues our kids have, letting them get a decent nights sleep and flying out mid-morning is better than waking them up at 5 for a 6 or 7 o'clock flight and have a grumpy kid the whole day.   And try to give them the seats behind the bulkhead where no one is sitting in front of them (right behind first class).  Claustrophobia is a big problem for most of these kids and being squished in coach leads to short tempers.

3.  If the first flight you take has your bp kids frazzled and agitated and they seem like they might lose it on the next plane, skip the flight and hang out in the airport long enough to unwind before boarding another flight.  A bp meltdown on a plane mid-air could be very traumatic for everyone and may even end in arrest.

4.  Think less is more.  Less travel, less holiday activities, less noise and over stimulation.  We found that we could not take Caroline to the annual Illumination Parade in our town because the long wait, the noise, the crowds were too much for her.  I used to try to do every Christmas activity available and now I am very selective.

5.  If you are going to be around relatives who don't understand bp disorder in kids and teens, you may want to send them an email or letter explaining what they cannot control and some helpful ways they can make things less stressful for everyone involved.  Like don't take it personally if my kid is having a hard time and they are rude to you.  This isn't personal, it is their brain misfiring.

6.  Don't forget the meds!!!  Sounds basic, but you would be amazed at the stories.  Take extra in case you get stranded in an airport or away at someone's house in a snowstorm.

7.  Limit their carb intake.  They will go sky high and then crash and burn, so set limits on sweets early.

8.  If possible, stay in a hotel instead of with relatives so that your bp kid has a quiet room to which they can retreat in between family gatherings.  For us, that means two hotel rooms, adjoining, with the kids divided up according to who gets along best with whom.

9.  Do something outdoors, like a game of football, ice skating, walking a nature trail to give everyone a time to breathe and relax and get that energy out.

10.  Don't stay at the relatives too long.  I think two or three days is max when you are dealing with a bp kid, or Aspergers, autism or severe ADHD.  Holiday visits can bring lots of stressors, and it is nice to save time for vacation at home too.  We need a vacation from our vacations in a very bad way!!!

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Home From the Hospital, Holiday Musings

Caroline came home today, much better, chipper, and wanting to play football.  No, you can't play football. I am feeling anxiety about her being home again as she always introduces an irritable spirit into the mix.  We still don't know what we are doing for Thanksgiving.  Our plan was to travel up to see family, but we are trying to figure out the sleeping arrangements.  We usually get two hotel rooms for the six of us, but money is very tight right now, so we are trying to figure out a more frugal set-up.  We WILL be taking two cars on the drive:  one car for my husband and Caroline, the other for me and the other three girls.  We learned the hard way a few years ago that it is better to spend the extra gas money than to risk permanent damage to sibling relationships.  Sad, but necessary.  If I could get her her own hotel room I would, with a parent of course.

After a great weekend celebrating Jane's 13th birthday, I am feeling the letdown.  Back to the daily grind.  Bill's sister was here to help and she was amazing.  I am grateful that she could help us manage the weekend.  Now Monday looms and I am not looking forward to it.  Blah!

Christmas decorations are up in every store, and the sale ads are putting the pressure on the American public.  I feel like my hands are tied right now.  No big shopping sprees here.  I bought a few small Christmas gifts, but honestly, there isn't money for much more.  I guess we will deal with that after Thanksgiving.  It is hard when the kids give me their Christmas lists and I have to tell them that they may get just one thing on their lists this year.  I hate the commercialism of Christmas anyway.  I look forward to the day when we can maybe skip giving presents altogether and instead focus on the true meaning of this holiday, and on giving to others outside of ourselves.

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Doing Better, Me That Is

I am feeling like I have come out of the black hole.  Much more hopeful and peaceful today and I can think more clearly.  The other day I drove past my daughter's school three times trying to get her there.  I just kept zoning out. I think the change in my outlook is due to lots of prayers and the increase in the Lexapro too.  Thank you everyone.  Now if my dogs would just let me sleep past 5:55 that would be great.

She is Sick and Drugged for Goodness Sake!

Had a problem with the family that was sort of sharing a room with Caroline, divided by two curtains.  Their little girl also had a kidney infection but was not as sick as Caroline.  In fact, she was downright bouncy and very loud.  They were keeping her there to do tests since she apparently gets these infections frequently.  Caroline, being in tremendous pain the other night, biting her lip until it bled, used some colorful language before the morphine kicked in.  Remember what labor was like?  Yes, pretty hard to be civil when you feel like you are dying.  Well, they were upset that a few cuss words came out of her mouth.  Sorry, my daughter isn't in full control of her emotions right now.  You wouldn't have been either.

But after that they were just downright rude to us.  Today, the grandmother stuck her head past the curtain to chew me out that Caroline had left the bathroom a bit untidy.  I didn't know she hadn't cleaned up after herself but give me a break, she is nearly comatose!  I was floored as this lady continued to rant.  Well, I guess my very sick child isn't as perfect as your sick child.  They left this afternoon and I am relieved to say the least!  Caroline was having a hard time with the party going on next door.

Anyway, they did have to reduce her Lithium to introduce the Toredol, so we shall see how it goes.  I am tired of the hospital and the food. We haven't seen if the new antibiotics are working or not.  I think we are waiting on the last lab culture.  We have a lot going on this weekend, but I guess we will all adjust if she isn't home yet.

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Hospital Day #4

After a CAT scan this morning, following a really bad night of excruciating pain despite the morphine, Caroline's docs concluded she did not have an abscess or kidney stones, but still had a raging infection.  So they switched from Cipro to two other IV antibiotics which they hope will solve this.  Poor kid.  She has been through too much.  She was so drugged today with the morphine and percocet, that she doesn't even remember the CAT scan this morning.  They were talking about taking her off of the Lithium because they wanted to put her on Toredol instead of the morphine but had concerns that the Toredol could increase her Lithium levels to toxic levels.  We really wanted to avoid dropping the Lithiuim, because even missing one dose means instability, and to miss several would probably mean a stay in the psych hospital following discharge.  Not a pretty picture.  We convinced them to just stick with monitoring her Lithium levels and possibly lowering the Lithium not stopping it.  The pdoc was hard to get a hold of today to talk to the doc at the children's hospital.  For real? Come on, this is an emergency!  Be a little more responsive please!

I was sooooo tired this morning and emotionally wrung out.  Hopefully a good nights sleep tonight will help a lot.  Several friends from church brought us meals tonight, for which I was grateful just because I don't have energy to cook right now.   I haven't been working either, which is a mixed blessing seeing as I use that money for the "extras" right now.  Oh well.  God is in control.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Still in the Hospital

Caroline isn't doing so well with this kidney infection.  She has been on IV antibiotics for more than 24 hours but her pain is increasing.  She was writhing in pain and sobbing tonight, even though she was getting morphine every two hours.  They added in Ativan which has helped a little and Zofran for the nausea, but she is throwing up anyway.  Now Percocet is being added in too.  We are questioning the doctors about whether this is more than a kidney infection, maybe a kidney stone or an abscess or something else?  They will do more blood work, urine testing, and maybe a CAT scan tomorrow to see what might be going on.  It can't be all in her head,  I know she is in real pain because the worse the pain gets, the more her heart rate goes up and she breaks out in sweat, just dripping with it.  Watching her makes me go numb because I can't help her.  I hope they figure out what is going on soon because Caroline has suffered enough.

My husband and I are emotionally and physically exhausted.  I had a good heart-to-heart with some girlfriends in the hospital cafe.  I had been feeling very disconnected to them.  I poured it all out, about the isolation I was feeling, the sense of rejection, the loss of hope.  It was good to be understood, and to be challenged,  and to hear about a huge trial one of my friends is going through that is just as traumatic, if not more so.  We agreed that we needed to be intentional about getting together and not assuming that all is well, or that we don't need each other.  I assume a lot.  Maybe we all do.  We think someone is fine because we don't bother to ask the right questions.  Maybe we don't want to hear the answers.  I find it very difficult to reach out and say, "I need (fill in the blank)" because I am proud and do not want to be perceived as needy.

So I am all cried out today.  I anticipate being at the hospital all day tomorrow.  Thankfully the other kids are doing OK without much direction.

Monday, November 15, 2010

One More Thing

Today Caroline had to be admitted to the hospital because of a kidney infection that wasn't responding to oral antibiotics.  Sometimes I worry about her kidneys and liver since lithium has been known to destroy both on occasion.  And Seroquel can do that too.  Sigh.  One day at a time....


I am stuck right now.  Stuck in a dark hole of depression.  I want to get out but I can't seem to find the way.  I know the truth but my heart is so far from feeling it.  I want to "unfeel" the sadness and hopelessness, but it suffocates me.  My husband is probably as depressed as I am.  And it is so beautiful outside.  I drove along a parkway yesterday, drove for hours.  The problem with the problems in our lives is that you can cannot really escape them.  Maybe for a little while you can pretend.   But as soon as I drove back within a few miles of our city, the reality of our life came creeping back again, growing bigger each minute, accompanied by fear and trembling.  We do not have the worst of circumstances by any means but I feel broken.  Half chemical, half circumstantial, and I know that, but I am stuck.  Lord, I believe, help my unbelief.

Sunday, November 14, 2010

Colorado, Here I Come

In my mind for now.  I want to move there bad.  I am so ready for a change.  I keep looking at houses there and school districts.  I want to see beautiful mountain views everyday.  Here I can only see the houses across the street.  I'm tired of the same old city every day, every week, every year, for seventeen years now.  This military brat needs a new location to spread out her wings!  Honey, are you listening?

Saturday, November 13, 2010

You Can Vote Three Times a Day in Three Different Ways!

You can text your vote by texting 104174 to Pepsi at 73774, vote through Facebook, or go directly to the website www.refresheverything.com. We are in 5th place out of hundreds of national non-profits!!!

What other fundraisers have you heard of for Childhood Bipolar Disorder!!  I haven't heard of any at all, so let's do this!

The Danger of the Laptop

Having a laptop is a great benefit, but also a great curse.  I don't think any home with a bipolar child should have easy access to a laptop.  Because it is portable, it can be used in locations other than right in front of me or my husband, even if we say she can't have it in her room, etc.  We have passwords but I have found that she can figure them out sometimes.  I probably won't sign her up for online homeschooling classes since that would be too much of a temptation.  We will stick to as much non-computer based curriculum as we can but she still has to learn how to write and edit papers, put together power point presentations, etc.  We live in an age where computers are now a necessity,  but we need to protect our kids all the more!

Friday, November 12, 2010

A Day to Myself!

My husband took our three younger kids to visit Grandpa today for the whole day and I got the day to myself!  He is my hero!  Sad, though, that I am excited about a day to clean my house instead of going to get a pedicure, massage, or something like that.  But honestly, clean bathrooms make me very happy.   I love my hubby!  He is the best!!

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Random Book Recommendation

Random because it has absolutely nothing to do with childhood bipolar disorder.  This book, Catullus, Cicero and a Society of Patrons: The Generation of the Text,  is written by an old friend, Sarah Culpepper Stroup, whom I first met in the 8th grade. She is a Professor of Classics at the University of Washington in Seattle.  Her book was recently published by Cambridge Press, and though I have yet to get my hands on a copy, I know that she is an extremely sharp scholar.  So if you or your older high school or college age child is interested in Ancient Roman history and philosophy, you may want to read this.  You can find it on Amazon.  This tome is a little pricey, but it is a college textbook type of a book.  Caroline just happens to be studying Ancient History right now in her homeschool class so this topic is highly relevant right now.  I love this era of history myself and just bought an Usborne book of Ancient World History for middle schooler full of pictures and illustrations that I absolutely love, definitely kid-appropriate.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

One Room Almost Down, Seven More to Go

Bill and I finally got started on our bedroom last night.  I sorted and packed away the spring clothes, organized the bookshelf which had books falling off of it in all directions, set aside many things to giveaway, and cleaned the floors, dusted the tops of the dressers, etc.  It felt so good to go to bed in a cleaned up, picked up room.  We usually just fly in and out of there during the day because neither of us has time to spare even a moment longer usually then the time it takes to get showered and dressed.  Then we collapse exhausted at night with no energy left.  I hope to keep this one room at a time routine up.  After taking a very long drive yesterday, I felt like I was hearing, "Put the oxygen mask on yourself first."  This is not a principle I follow well.  But why do I ignore my need to take the time to do the things that make me feel better, like exercising,  getting together with a friend, or even cleaning up a room in my house?  I usually feel so defeated at the outset that I give up before I start.  But if I don't change the way I think, nothing will change.

Caroline has a kidney infection.  Just another thing.  At least we are having beautiful fall weather and gorgeous changing leaves to enjoy.  I will rejoice in this one thing today.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

The Scream


Ok, I feel better now.

Monday, November 8, 2010

"Can You Hear Me Now?"

On Friday I went to visit my therapist and tell her the news about Bill's brain tumor and the messed up military retirement issue.  I arrived full of fear and anger.  During the course of our conversation, we talked about God's presence in our lives, and she said something about God talking to us.  I replied, with a bitter laugh, that He certainly wasn't talking to me!

When I left the therapist's office and got into my car, I saw the pile of mail on the seat that I had grabbed before I left the house.  I saw what looked like a card from a dear friend and decided to open it.  Inside of the card was a check for a very large sum of money, enough to get us by for more than half the month. I was so stunned, and so humbled.  I could hear God chuckling as He prodded, "So I am not talking to you, huh?"  I cried, and as I was crying, sobbing really, and driving, the words of one of my favorite songs popped into my head and spoke directly to me, "This is what it means to be held, and to know the promise was worth everything felt, we'd be held." I felt God was holding me in that moment in a great embrace.  Then that exact song came on the radio at that moment!  Ok, God, I get it, I take it back, you are indeed talking loudly to me, saying that you love my family and will take care of us.

Then a dear friend called me long distance a few minutes later in tears over our situation.  How comforting when a friend walks beside you and cries with you through the valleys!

Right after we hung up my oldest daughter called me from home and reported that someone from an Italian restaurant had called and said that an anonymous friend wanted to give our family dinner there that night.  Yes,  I hear you God, you are shouting at me now.  Forgive me for my hardness of heart, my unbelief, and my self-pity.  Thank you for keeping your promises to your children!

I am better today, having let go of anger, and decided that I really can't control anything but my own thoughts.  I can choose to listen to lies and be fearful, or I can choose to dwell on the truth and relax and be the woman I was made to be.

And an increase in my antidepressant hasn't hurt. :)

Sunday, November 7, 2010


Today I feel tremendous anger over everything I cannot control.  Anger is a destructive emotion.  I wish it would motivate me to induce change, but it only makes me want to steep in it and to find something to be angry at.   Maybe tomorrow I will be able to let it go.

Friday, November 5, 2010

Hitting New Lows

I am struggling today.  I don't cry very often about anything.  Usually I feel that I can handle anything that comes my way.  But not today.  Today the warrior is a child.  The way I feel right now reminds me of two other times in my life when I felt about as low as one could.

 Once was when shortly after Mae was born, I got sick with pneumonia and developed bad post-partum depression for the first time.  For the next year or so I was sick with one bronchial infection after another.  We didn't know at the time that the air conditioning in our old house was infiltrated with black mold, which I am highly allergic to.  I was put on several asthma medications and was using a nebulizer a lot.  I felt so sick and so alone because I felt there wasn't anyone who knew how sick I was or how depressed I was.  My mom was 3000 miles away, and Caroline was beginning to really manifest bipolar symptoms.  I have a distinct memory of sitting on the floor in my den, sucking in the albuterol because I couldn't breathe, little kids running around going crazy, and hot tears streaming down my cheeks, feeling sick, helpless and so very needy.  I got through all of that somehow, but it was a truly awful time in my life, trying to care for a six year old, a four year old, a two year old and a baby while so sick.  I had also developed this weird bruising all over so I was going to one specialist after another to rule out a blood disorder.

The other time was when Caroline was about eight or nine I think, and not doing well at all.  She had been hospitalized several times that fall, and still she was not doing great.  Our family was in turmoil, and then Bill's dad, who is also bipolar, had a bad manic episode, so right after Caroline got out of the hospital, Bill had to go up to DC to put his dad in the psych hospital for two weeks.  So he left me with Caroline, who had PTSD from this latest hospitalization, and the other three kids who were traumatized from her behaviors.  I can feel myself sitting in that living room chair, feeling so resentful towards his dad, knowing he couldn't help it, angry silent tears flowing, with that tremendous heart-pain when you can't fix something that is broken.  Again, I felt alone and unable to call anyone to say, "I am hurting.  I need a hug. I need help with my kids."  I become paralyzed when I am really down and I don't tell people how bad things are; it is too much effort to even pick up the phone.

I have friends who are hurting right now in the midst of their own various trials, and I wish I could reach out to them but I can't.  I am stuck right now.

This is how I am feeling today.  Enough is enough.  I am tired.  I want this part of our lives to be over with so we can go back to "normal."

Thanks for just listening.

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Lamictal/Stevens-Johnson Syndrome Link

I just found out from Caroline's CNP at her psychiatrist's office that you can still get Stevens-Johnson syndrome even after taking it with no problem for quite some time.  This is a very RARE reaction, but I wanted to pass this along.  Early symptoms resemble the flu, followed by skin involvement, usually mucous membranes. I am a huge fan of Lamictal so we are not switching or anything like that, but whenever I learn something new, I try to pass it to you!

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

You've Got to Be Kidding!!

That is how we are feeling right now after learning that my husband has a benign brain tumor called a vestibular schwannoma.  He had been having hearing loss, ringing in his ear,  a feeling of pressure behind his ear,  and dizziness the last few months or so.  He finally got an MRI after the military ENT noted the hearing loss last month.  The MRI showed the rare growth, which now has to be dealt with by surgery or radiation.  Because this health issue might take months more to resolve, the Navy might have to call him back to Active Duty.  The Navy officially retired him last month without giving him a retirement physical, which was really stupid and probably illegal.  He didn't know there was such a thing, nobody mentioned it to him, even over at medical where he was spending a lot of time getting his all of his medical stuff wrapped up prior to retirement.   What this means is that his job search is in limbo because we don't know when they might recall him, it could be a few months off since his next ENT appointment to discuss treatment is a month away!  So that means more time unemployed and unable to look for a job wholeheartedly.  How dumb is that?  So frustrating!  So between no paycheck, a brain tumor, and our stupid contractor who messed up our kitchen addition a few years ago leading to rotting walls and floor, we are more than just a little bit stressed out right now.

But compared to a child who wants to die and is without hope, this is nothing.  We have been there and the stress of feeling completely helpless to help your child is far worse.  I will take this over a suicidal child any day.

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

I am the Queen!

I am presently wearing one of my kid's dress up crowns.  I think it is a Disney Princess one.  It was sitting on the kitchen counter left over from Halloween.  I was just sitting there cutting coupons when I noticed it and thought, "Ha!  I am the queen of this household and my kids need to remember that!"  I have been having trouble today in particular with our youngest, Mae, who has copped a diva attitude to the max.  Enough is enough.  I am reigning royalty here.  I think I will wear this crown more often!

Monday, November 1, 2010

"Get Behind Me, Anxiety!"

I say this many times a day now, whenever I feel fear and panic setting in over my husband's job situation.  Right now I am stretched in every direction by homeschooling, working part-time and trying to stay on top of homework for the regular schoolers and their many after school activities.  That would have been enough.  I see my husband appears to be on the edge of panic too.  He is REALLY stressed out.   He has always been such a rock for me but now I am definitely being the rock for him, which is what marriage is about (for better or worse, remember?) Not that he has lost faith or hope completely, but he is very tired right now.  He filed for unemployment and I am astounded by how little it amounts to.  It doesn't come close to paying our mortgage.  I don't know how people without other emergency lifelines can make it through a job loss.  I am most frightened about using up our lifelines before he lands a job.  I know God has a plan, He is just slow to reveal to us!

Help CABF Win $250,000 through Pepsi!!

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