Caroline isn't doing so well with this kidney infection. She has been on IV antibiotics for more than 24 hours but her pain is increasing. She was writhing in pain and sobbing tonight, even though she was getting morphine every two hours. They added in Ativan which has helped a little and Zofran for the nausea, but she is throwing up anyway. Now Percocet is being added in too. We are questioning the doctors about whether this is more than a kidney infection, maybe a kidney stone or an abscess or something else? They will do more blood work, urine testing, and maybe a CAT scan tomorrow to see what might be going on. It can't be all in her head, I know she is in real pain because the worse the pain gets, the more her heart rate goes up and she breaks out in sweat, just dripping with it. Watching her makes me go numb because I can't help her. I hope they figure out what is going on soon because Caroline has suffered enough.
My husband and I are emotionally and physically exhausted. I had a good heart-to-heart with some girlfriends in the hospital cafe. I had been feeling very disconnected to them. I poured it all out, about the isolation I was feeling, the sense of rejection, the loss of hope. It was good to be understood, and to be challenged, and to hear about a huge trial one of my friends is going through that is just as traumatic, if not more so. We agreed that we needed to be intentional about getting together and not assuming that all is well, or that we don't need each other. I assume a lot. Maybe we all do. We think someone is fine because we don't bother to ask the right questions. Maybe we don't want to hear the answers. I find it very difficult to reach out and say, "I need (fill in the blank)" because I am proud and do not want to be perceived as needy.
So I am all cried out today. I anticipate being at the hospital all day tomorrow. Thankfully the other kids are doing OK without much direction.
About our Daughter
I am mother to four wonderful daughters, ages 17, 19, 21, and 23, and wife to the greatest husband on earth. God has given us a special child to raise one who was diagnosed with early-onset bipolar disorder at the age of seven, though she showed signs of it from the age of fifteen months. She also has ADHD, Sensory Integration Disorder (sensory seeking), Dyslexia, and Non-Verbal Learning Disorder-NOS, all typical comorbidities for a bipolar child. In spite of the trials, she enjoys lacrosse, running (finished her first marathon in October of 2014!), and reading and writing her own books. I will share with you the many joys and sorrows we have faced and will face in the future with the hope that you may find better understanding about this mental illness caused by both chemical and structural abnormalities in the brain. I desire that you will be encouraged by this blog if you are also dealing with a bipolar child. Thank you for reading and sharing in our journey.
How Did You Know She Was Bipolar So Young?
I wrote a long explanation of how we came to this bipolar diagnosis in a child so young under my post of March 19th of 2009. If your child or a child you know bears similarities, please seek out a good psychiatrist and don't wait for "things to get better." Often they will simply get worse, and the longer a child is unmedicated, the more damage their brain can accrue. Early diagnoses and treatment are key to providing these children with a chance at a successful life later as a teen and an adult.