On Friday I went to visit my therapist and tell her the news about Bill's brain tumor and the messed up military retirement issue. I arrived full of fear and anger. During the course of our conversation, we talked about God's presence in our lives, and she said something about God talking to us. I replied, with a bitter laugh, that He certainly wasn't talking to me!
When I left the therapist's office and got into my car, I saw the pile of mail on the seat that I had grabbed before I left the house. I saw what looked like a card from a dear friend and decided to open it. Inside of the card was a check for a very large sum of money, enough to get us by for more than half the month. I was so stunned, and so humbled. I could hear God chuckling as He prodded, "So I am not talking to you, huh?" I cried, and as I was crying, sobbing really, and driving, the words of one of my favorite songs popped into my head and spoke directly to me, "This is what it means to be held, and to know the promise was worth everything felt, we'd be held." I felt God was holding me in that moment in a great embrace. Then that exact song came on the radio at that moment! Ok, God, I get it, I take it back, you are indeed talking loudly to me, saying that you love my family and will take care of us.
Then a dear friend called me long distance a few minutes later in tears over our situation. How comforting when a friend walks beside you and cries with you through the valleys!
Right after we hung up my oldest daughter called me from home and reported that someone from an Italian restaurant had called and said that an anonymous friend wanted to give our family dinner there that night. Yes, I hear you God, you are shouting at me now. Forgive me for my hardness of heart, my unbelief, and my self-pity. Thank you for keeping your promises to your children!
I am better today, having let go of anger, and decided that I really can't control anything but my own thoughts. I can choose to listen to lies and be fearful, or I can choose to dwell on the truth and relax and be the woman I was made to be.
And an increase in my antidepressant hasn't hurt. :)
About our Daughter
I am mother to four wonderful daughters, ages 17, 19, 21, and 23, and wife to the greatest husband on earth. God has given us a special child to raise one who was diagnosed with early-onset bipolar disorder at the age of seven, though she showed signs of it from the age of fifteen months. She also has ADHD, Sensory Integration Disorder (sensory seeking), Dyslexia, and Non-Verbal Learning Disorder-NOS, all typical comorbidities for a bipolar child. In spite of the trials, she enjoys lacrosse, running (finished her first marathon in October of 2014!), and reading and writing her own books. I will share with you the many joys and sorrows we have faced and will face in the future with the hope that you may find better understanding about this mental illness caused by both chemical and structural abnormalities in the brain. I desire that you will be encouraged by this blog if you are also dealing with a bipolar child. Thank you for reading and sharing in our journey.
How Did You Know She Was Bipolar So Young?
I wrote a long explanation of how we came to this bipolar diagnosis in a child so young under my post of March 19th of 2009. If your child or a child you know bears similarities, please seek out a good psychiatrist and don't wait for "things to get better." Often they will simply get worse, and the longer a child is unmedicated, the more damage their brain can accrue. Early diagnoses and treatment are key to providing these children with a chance at a successful life later as a teen and an adult.