Mathnasium is the Bomb!

I just have to shout that Caroline got her first 100% on an Algebra lesson!!  Oh how I wish we had known about Mathnasium a long time ago, but I think they are fairly new to our area.  She is now doing Algebra first thing in the morning, eagerly, because she "gets" it.  Money well spent!!  If I lived in a town without one, I would find a way to buy a franchise because the way they tutor really works.  One on one three days a week, using your child's own curriculum.  Perfect.

Really Wish I Had Some Manic Energy Right Now

I would never wish mania upon anyone, adult or teen or child, but when I hear about the things some people accomplish while they are way too "up" I get a little jealous when I seem to have no energy at all.  No amount of caffeine seems to help me these days.  Or exercise.  I think that the task of getting our house ready to put on the market combined with the responsibility of  homeschooling, combined with no time in my house by myself has amounted to more depression for me.  I just want to sit and stare at the walls but of course I can't.

I made myself sort photos today, just sat there on the floor, boxes all around me, trying to purge the pics that the kids took of dead animals or whatever, and to save others from some horrible fate like being stuck together and fading rapidly.  That was all I could get myself to do.  But maybe that is OK.  One corner of the bedroom is filled with photo albums (mostly unfilled) and photos and report cards and picture frames (unfilled) and I have dreaded attacking this project for so long.  Because once you get into it, you can't really stop and it is very messy.  So now my bedroom is really, really messy, more so than it usually is.  So now I hate going in there even more.

Having a special needs child makes life messy.  Complicated. And interesting.  And you can't be "normal" because they are not "normal."  I envy those who have normal struggles.  I envy people whose kids are in school all day, five days a week.  They have clean houses.  And photos all neatly in Creative Memory albums.  And pretty bedrooms.  And time to meet friends for coffee.  One day...

Never Forget to Do This if You Encounter This Med Situation!

If you have a female bp child who is on bc pills for acne (or whatever), and on the mood stabilizer Lamictal, and you accidentally run out of the bc pills and they aren't in her med mix for a few days, DON"T FORGET TO LOWER THE LAMICTAL DOSAGE FOR THOSE DAYS.  I forgot, unfortunately, which meant that the  Lamictal levels in her blood jumped above what they should have been and she began to get blurred vision, headaches and exhibited other signs of being "off" including extreme irritability and no focusing ability at all for school.   I had heard about others having to do this adjustment, but I didn't think it would be so imperative, but it was.  We retrieved the LoLoestrin from the pharmacist and now she is back on schedule, so hopefully the blurred vision and headaches will dissipate shortly.  It is amazing how much of a balancing act this is for these kids between hormones, circadian rhythm changes and meds!!

 I don't know how she is going to manage her meds on her own when she is no longer living with us.  That is a scary thought.  I am so in tune to her subtleties, but she isn't always in tune with subtle changes in her moods that might mean trouble ahead.  I hope she can live near enough to us that we can always have a good feel as to how she is doing, if she taking her meds, if she seeing a good doctor, going to her psychologist on a regular basis, eating well, sleeping enough, etc.  We will have to let her grow up and be an adult and take responsibility for herself in all of these ways, but we hope it will not be a rude awakening, but rather a gentle hand-off.  Lots of prep time between now and then, that is for sure.  I need to test her over the summer to see if she can start taking her meds without us reminding her, asking her if she took them, reminding her again, because she needs to care enough about herself to take them on time, every day, so she can be a functional adult someday.  

March Madness

No, not the college hoopla over brackets, but the time of the year when the meds that seem to have worked all winter suddenly don't seem to be working so well now that spring is upon us.  Caroline's haven't entirely pooped out, thank goodness.  But we do need to up her Seroquel again.  I don't know if it is the extra sunlight or what, but agitation and explosivity start to show their ugly heads.  Doc appointment on Thursday will be helpful.  She was too whacked out today to do school effectively.  We will try again tomorrow.

Daylight Savings Time/Seasonal Changes

The change in the seasons always means a change in mood stability for people with bipolar disorder, and if you throw in the DST change, you have got some challenging days.  Caroline went back to bed this morning after she got up and ate breakfast because her sleep is all messed up.  Sigh.  I guess we will homeschool in the afternoon today.

Moving Along with the Move, Trusting God

My sister has been coming over to help me with organizing and pitching things out and laundry . Very grateful for her help.  I couldn't sleep last night.  My anxiety came roaring back like it likes to do sometimes.  I should have gotten out of bed and taken something else to help me sleep but I didn't.  Sometimes I just wonder if all of this is really going to happen: getting our house in order to sell, selling it, actually raising enough support to begin working for MCYM, packing up the house, moving, living off of much less than we had been used to before he lost his Navy job.  So many mountains.  I don't know what I would do without the promises of God, without His grace and forgiveness and forbearance towards me, towards us.  I don't think I have faced bigger obstacles than what is ahead of me in a very, very long time.  A real Red Sea to be parted and to walk through, and then a desert to cross before we hit the promised land so to speak.  God never promises us a life without trial and hardship.  He promises to be with us through them and to use those trials to purify our hearts, and to glorify Himself in our lives, and to give us adventures of which we never dreamed, completely impossible apart from Him.  We can raise a fist and blame Him for our trials,  or humbly say yes to the adventure that sometimes looks like suffering and receive blessing in the midst of pain.  He is our great blessing, our shield, our very great reward.  Genesis 15:1.

Sisterly Love

After reading my sad post yesterday, my sisters blessed my day with sweet words of encouragement and a meal brought over and some very needed help with cleaning and organizing.  I don't what I would do without my sisters!  I spent the morning talking to my therapist about all that we are facing and how to handle different things.  She is a very wise older woman who always has fresh perspective for me to take in.  I am letting Mathnasium handle all of Caroline's Algebra and I am going to go ahead and get Rosetta stone Spanish for her too courtesy of a helpful donor so that I can truly focus on getting our house ready and not on the parts of homeschooling that take up so much of my day.  Jane homeschools herself essentially being so motivated, and I am going to have to let Caroline do the same with the right tools.  I just can't be as hands on with her and do all that needs to be done with the move.  I have to trust that God is going to get us through all of this, and Caroline through all of her subjects.  I have held on pretty tightly to her schooling and it isn't that I am letting go completely, but she is old enough to take responsibility for making sure it all gets done.  The schedule and assignments are all laid out for her in the Sonlight curriculum guide, so with the math and Spanish also covered by "tutors" , I think I can relax a bit and do what I need to do.