I would never wish mania upon anyone, adult or teen or child, but when I hear about the things some people accomplish while they are way too "up" I get a little jealous when I seem to have no energy at all. No amount of caffeine seems to help me these days. Or exercise. I think that the task of getting our house ready to put on the market combined with the responsibility of homeschooling, combined with no time in my house by myself has amounted to more depression for me. I just want to sit and stare at the walls but of course I can't.
I made myself sort photos today, just sat there on the floor, boxes all around me, trying to purge the pics that the kids took of dead animals or whatever, and to save others from some horrible fate like being stuck together and fading rapidly. That was all I could get myself to do. But maybe that is OK. One corner of the bedroom is filled with photo albums (mostly unfilled) and photos and report cards and picture frames (unfilled) and I have dreaded attacking this project for so long. Because once you get into it, you can't really stop and it is very messy. So now my bedroom is really, really messy, more so than it usually is. So now I hate going in there even more.
Having a special needs child makes life messy. Complicated. And interesting. And you can't be "normal" because they are not "normal." I envy those who have normal struggles. I envy people whose kids are in school all day, five days a week. They have clean houses. And photos all neatly in Creative Memory albums. And pretty bedrooms. And time to meet friends for coffee. One day...
4 comments:
I hope you get there one day soon! ((hugs))
Oh, how I can relate! I never even put together my 5 year olds baby book, because by that time my oldest was starting to have some major symptoms. I am home with my oldest 24/7, there are stacks of paperwork on my counter that I just can't seem to get through, there are just things that can't be made a priority because sometimes I can't focus on anything other than him. When he was in school I was constantly getting called, because he was having a hard time. Now he's home and while the anxiety of worrying about him there is gone, there are new obstacles.
I hear parents talk about how they worry what their child will learn on television, or the things their kids want to wear. Me? I would love it if he would sit and watch more than a five minute block of television alone. I get excited when he wants to wear something specific that isn't stained, holey t-shirts, and jeans. I find myself with that "normal kid" envy. I guess we all have our own battles and struggles. I'm starting to get plagued with the "mommy hasn't been alone in a few weeks" depression a bit right now. I find myself getting irritated and annoyed more than I should be. I really need to find a project to conquer or just something utterly selfish to do :). I really do understand. Some days it just seems like it is all so much more than I can handle.
Yep, all that is my life too! This morning I had really had it with everything and just took a drive, then sat on the side porch swing feeling miserable. I get very little "mommy time" and my husband has been gone helping his dad who is having heart issues, so I have been doubly strained. Now I need to finish the taxes and that is not what I want to do this evening but I must! Cheers!
Maybe some people have super neat houses with their kids in school all day, but I can assure you that is NOT the case at my house. No excuse for me, I'm just not a good housekeeper. :) So don't be so hard on yourself!
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