Now, I enjoy her mostly. But there was a time...
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
I Remember....
Sitting in the parking lot of a grocery store, about 18 months ago, sobbing so loudly that a man walked up to my car and asked if he could help me. I could barely talk, I was crying so hard. I had had a particularly difficult time with Caroline (this was prior to her going to the RTC) and I had lost it at her, screamed at her, drove off to the store, and then sat there, feeling the dam break. Wracked with sobs, I was in complete despair over having a bipolar daughter to raise. I hated my inability to stay calm that day, and felt like I hated her. He asked me what was wrong, and I am sure he thought I was a war widow or something, since this was on a military base. I replied emphatically, "I hate being a mom!" I don't think he knew what to say to that, but I think he offered some words of encouragement. Poor guy. I was crying so hard that I am sure I freaked him out. I was touched that he would stop and try to comfort me, but nothing would console me that day. Thankfully we all got a break about a month later when she went to Meridell for four months.
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3 comments:
Ohhhh, I soooooooo feel your pain!
This is not normal stress that you are under. It is probably more like battle stress.
At least in battle they know who the enemy is and go fight that enemy with a group of allies. We do not have that in dealing with mental illness.
Feelings are just feelings. They come and go. It is what you do about those feelings that counts.
Love,
Anna
I had one of those days today. It's usually my daughter that "hate[s] living here." I am so tired of her lying, stealing, purposely hurting our pets, sneaking into things, food issues, texture issues, learning disabilities, speech disabilities...today I wanted to run away.
Jo
Mom to C, 10 y.o. daughter
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