After our big argument and her loss of the computer, probably for some time, she came downstairs and handed me two handwritten notes, the first beginning with "I wish 4 (sic) hope, I wish 4 Love, I wish 4 Sanctification, I wish 4 understanding. I need hope. I need Love. I need shelter from the storm. I need a Savior. Where iz (sic) my Savior? Where iz my place in life? What iz God's purpose 4 my life? Why am I here? Who am I? What am I? Lord, will you protect me? Plz Lord don't leave me! God don't leave me here! Don't leave me here broken, scattered, homeless, lifeless, left to die all alone and unguarded. Don't leave me Savior."
I was relieved to read these words, and obviously she was reaching out to me, to us, and to God to ask for help. I am still very concerned that she is more manic than we have thought. I am going to take her back to the psychiatrist and ask for a med increase. And the psychologist appointment this week without a doubt will be addressing this turn of events. It could be worse, much worse, when I read of what some other parents have discovered about their bp teens this week (crack cocaine use, carving tattoos into their skin, etc.) But still, spending hours in her room, typing this trash, however well written, isn't healthy at all.
She had calmed down considerably this morning and afternoon, but the evening seems to always be the time for red flags. So we shall see.