Saturday, August 28, 2010
The Loneliness Can Be Profound
I feel like I don't have any true friends except through this blog. I have three wonderful sisters and a caring mom, but I have this deep sense of loneliness that is very noticeable when I am alone, like this weekend. I have a great church with many "friends," but no one ever calls me, asks me to go out for coffee, or for glass of wine, or just to see how I am doing. I am always the one calling other people, or the people who call me are people who need something from me, whether counsel or encouragement. In other words, I am giving, but not receiving, as far as friendships go. I don't know if this is a direct result of having a bipolar daughter, which wouldn't surprise me. Just like the invitations to get together with other families dried up after she was diagnosed, I feel like many of my friends stopped calling. I know I have stopped calling certain people because they don't call me back, and I am tired of feeling like the third wheel. I feel that I have a lot to offer others in terms of friendship, and I am used to having very close relationships with other women. There really isn't one person in my local area outside of my immediate family that I feel like I could comfortably call if I am down. It is painful the way that mental illness isolates. I need a fresh start too. Moving to another place seems very attractive right now.
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10 comments:
Oh, WOW! Me too! Sending a few hugs your way!!!
{{{hugs}}}
hugs!
Oh my!!! I couldn't believe it when I read your blog. I have been following for a few weeks now and have created my own blog as well. (My sons psych recommended it actually... it's been therapeutic and wonderful so far.) But I have never commented on it. This is the first time. I have definitely been able to relate to your other posts, for sure, but this one is one I have been dealing with for awhile. I really relate to this post. I too, feel like I am always the one people call for advice and stuff like that when they need it, but never as a friendship! It is so sad and I do believe it is probably because of my bipolar son. It is more difficult for me to get together with the "girls", but it doesn't mean I wouldn't treasure and desperately need a good friend. I have had many and do have a close friend, but she lives in another state :( I will pray for you to find that understanding special "girl friend".... But know that those of us online are your friends too even if we can't physically be there for you :) Feel free to email me anytime!!
Thanks for the encouragement, y'all. I had my pity party. Sometimes the reality of the isolation just really hits you. I went out to dinner tonight with my little sis and we had a great time. I was glad I picked up the phone and called her! Another sister called me and my mom too. I am grateful that I have such a great family. Hopefully I will be able to develop new friendships.
I'm sorry you're feeling lonely. It is certainly not a good feeling at all. Kudos to you for addressing it. I've really found that good friendships (the kind that work BOTH ways) take years and years to develop and, having a child with a mental illness does not make that process easier. What about asking your daughter's pyschiatrist or counselor if there are any support groups for parents who are dealing with what you are?
Ditto, ditto, ditto. I work from home so I am by myself all day every day. Add to that friends who say they'll call but don't, or the ones who make plans to do stuff without you in FRONT of you, and I feel very very alone sometimes. :(
I think I know you better than I know many of my real life friends. We only talk about the important stuff. I like that but a lot of people get scared away by the important stuff.
I have learned that it is ok to have some superficial friends. The superficial ones do not know everything about me. We just have fun together.
I would call you to have coffee or take a walk if we were nearby.
Thanks, Anna, I so appreciate your sweet thought. I am ok most of the time, but sometimes the weight of the isolation really hits home. I am struggling with resentment towards some of my formerly close friends.
Oh Megan, I know how you feel, and even if you have some "friends" they just cannot relate to our life with a bi-polar child-you come across so caring and giving--so enjoy your friends through this blog-we can all relate!
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