Thursday, May 12, 2011
Friend Trouble
I have such a knot in my stomach right now as I am writing this. I just had a very difficult and awkward conversation with Caroline's new best friend's mother. Caroline is still struggling with mania, and on Monday at lacrosse practice she lost it, crying, yelling at girls without cause. When this friend's mom, who was giving her a ride home, asked why she was so upset, Caroline blurted out a crazy tall tale that alarmed this mother so much that she called me to find out if this tale was true. Before I could talk to her and have the dreaded "my child is bipolar" conversation, Caroline heard from this friend that someone had told her mm that she was dangerous and had beat people up in the third grade. Carline called me very distraught that her reputation was being ruined by this gossip, and I tried consoling her, but I was livid myself. My dear daughter can't easily escape her past behaviors five years ago. This is a small town. I want a new neighborhood very badly. My precious daughter needs a clean slate without her past haunting her all the time. Anyway, her friend told her that her mother had heard this rumor and was extremely concerned. Thus, after much prayer and anxiety, I called her and we talked, pretty awkwardly, abut Carline's illness and the fact that she isn't dangerous, just quirky. This mother was clueless abut bipolar disorder, I could tell by her questions, and, as fate would have it, she lives near the rumor mill's source, a previous classmate at an academy my eldest daughter attended three years back. Great. I was calm as I could be, but I did feel my emotions rising as her responses weren't what I had hoped. She seemed very guarded and I wouldn't be surprised if she would ban her daughter from being with my daughter. I hate this disorder. It is unfair and cruel!! I am just low in my heart and dreading Carline's complete devastation if she loses yet anther best friend before the friendship has even lasted a few months. I hate bipolar disorder. I am praying they will find a cure!!! My daughter is discriminated against because she has a physical, chemical illness and this is just unfair and very hard as her mother watching her endless search after a true friend.
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7 comments:
Tears my heart apart. Hoping for better days ahead... well, we all know that we're looking forward to better weeks, months, and years ahead, but who's counting. Take care.
Megan, I can't possibly understand how difficult this is for you. I saw this disorder from a very different perspective (child of a bipolar sufferer--untreated). But what I CAN share is the anger you feel for the disorder. As a child I was angry with my MOTHER but as I grew up I understood her behavior stemmed from the DISORDER. I didn't like how people treated her or judged her or even made fun of her. And I was treated badly and judged for being her daughter (sad, but true).
So, I can't possibly understand what you're going through right now, your post touched my heart. And I wanted to say I'm praying for you and Caroline and give you some cyber ((HUGS)).
Chynna
www.lilywolfwords.ca
www.the-gift-blog.com
www.seethewhiteelephants.com
Oh Megan, my heart aches for you. I know exactly what you’re feeling as we try and navigate my son losing his best friend a few weeks back because of the mother.
I too hate this disorder and how having a mental illness, makes people keep a record of wrong. Any mistakes from the past are forever burned into everyones brains, yet a child without mental illness can cause a fight years ago and all is forgiven, people accept that those kids have matured, yet believe our kids are unable to.
Just two nights ago I had a dream where I told the mother in our situation how cruel she was etc. When I woke up, I realized our deeply these situations effect us, it's like a wound that never heals.
What is also a concern, is when these parents pull their kids away from our kids, do they continue to cause harm by spreading rumors, further damaging our children’s opportunity to find a new friend?
Every time I see this mother talking “buddy buddy ” to another mom, I think... O, great, another family that will hear bad stuff about my son.
Hang in there, you’re not alone.
((hugs))
I know how hard this is. My daughter is constantly shunned and it seems like no matter where we meet someone they seem to know someone who knew her *before*.
Making friends is so hard for them, it really sucks when it's another adult making things difficult.
Maybe you could invite the family over for a cook out? Let her meet Caroline and see her in her own territory?
One true friend can make a big difference.
We feel your and Caroline's pain. The friend issue is tough. We live in a small town, too. Lifting your family up in prayer.
I'm so sorry you and Caroline have to go through this. We've had many similar issues with friends and parents. We also are desperate to move for a new start, but there is so much to do on our house!
Good luck with everything. Hoping you have a relaxing summer.
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