Monday, November 15, 2010
Stuck
I am stuck right now. Stuck in a dark hole of depression. I want to get out but I can't seem to find the way. I know the truth but my heart is so far from feeling it. I want to "unfeel" the sadness and hopelessness, but it suffocates me. My husband is probably as depressed as I am. And it is so beautiful outside. I drove along a parkway yesterday, drove for hours. The problem with the problems in our lives is that you can cannot really escape them. Maybe for a little while you can pretend. But as soon as I drove back within a few miles of our city, the reality of our life came creeping back again, growing bigger each minute, accompanied by fear and trembling. We do not have the worst of circumstances by any means but I feel broken. Half chemical, half circumstantial, and I know that, but I am stuck. Lord, I believe, help my unbelief.
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Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge him and he will keep your paths straight.
Proverbs 3:5-6
Though you have made me see troubles, many and bitter, you will restore my life again; from the depths of the earth you will again bring me up. You will increase my honor and comfort me once again.
Psalms 71:20-21
The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
Psalms 34:18
Sending you a big hug!
Mi Sheberakh (A Jewish Blessing of healing, for my friend Megan)
May the Holy Blessed One
overflow with compassion upon her,
to restore her,
to heal her,
to strengthen her,
to enliven her.
The One will send her, speedily,
a complete healing --
healing of the soul and healing of the body --
along with all the ill,
among the people of Israel and all humankind,
soon,
speedily,
without delay,
and let us all say: Amen!
hugs. This too shall pass.
You are not alone! I feel the same way.
Hugs and prayers,
Mary in TX
My heart aches for you guys--while you may not have the toughest of circumstances (as you said), it IS tough and you have been under prolonged stress for a long time--no wonder you feel in a hole! I'll be praying for the job situation and for clarity in direction for you guys. And for others to come around you with a big bear hug!
Thank you all for the verses and the prayers! You are all so kind. I feel better knowing I am not going through anything truly alone. Psalm 142 leapt off the page last night. David was in a cave, hiding from Saul I believe, feeling completely alone and exhausted. Every word written felt like I could have said it.
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