This is what I am feeling right now. And I know it is what my daughter Caroline is feeling at church. Today is Sunday and we are regular church attenders. more than regular, our whole married lives. We are highly involved in many aspects in our church. Our other three daughters go to Sunday School pretty often (well, the oldest is harder to get there because she had a bad experience with the Sunday School leaders) and our other middle schooler, Jane, is very involved in the youth group. Caroline has stopped going to church, well at least stopped sitting with us during church. She will go to church but refuses to sit in the sanctuary. She stopped going to youth group and Sunday School. She feels like the other teens there snub her because of her past mistakes. So youth group and Sunday School are not a safe place for her. I know they do avoid her because they think she is weird. The youth leaders, not seeing her on a regular basis, don't reach out to her at all. I am really disappointed by this, because out of all of the teens in our church, she is the one who needs the MOST encouragement and support. I am thinking about contacting them to ask them (nicely) to step up to the plate and reach out to her. Her view of God has been diminished by the lack of concern and friendship from youth leaders and other kids. As we all know, we feel God's love most deeply for us through the care of other humans. When a person walks into church, they may have come out of curiosity, but they will stay because someone is reaching out to them and offering them friendship. The same goes for my daughter. Why should she go to church if she feels like an outcast? I don't blame her.
Thus I feel disconnected because she feels disconnected. I don't feel anger or bitterness towards anyone, just disappointment. I want her to experience true friendships and acceptance of who she is right now, not rejection for her past indiscretions. And if she can't see God's love for her at our church, we may need to just find another church so her view of God isn't ruined forever. We love her more than that. She needs God with skin on so to speak. We all do.
4 comments:
Wow- Megan- I have been agonizing over the same thing- feeling a little lost and wondering why I was beginning to feel far from God because my daughter has felt that way- "disconnected" is the right word. I decided that I would make myself go to church today and try to fill my own cup- things happened and I was asked to teach the high school Sunday school ( my daughters class), I actually asked my daughter how she felt about it and she was for it- I shed a few tears and said "OK God" I hear you- Now I will be forced to keep up with my own faith walk and I think I need the structure now because it is so easy to feel alone and distant from God when these kinds of challenges face our families.
My situation is different than yours- or anyone elses- but I do so relate to your post today. God works in so many ways and I will pray that you are able to make decisions about your church that will benefit you and your children.
Thanks so much for all your wonderful posts- you are a blessing to those of us who read your posts regularly.
Is it possible your dear daughter give off vibes that she is not interested in others (I know mine does!). It could be that the leaders feel they are respecting her wishes to be left alone. I would think (hope) they would welcome input and information from you as a parent asking that they try to pull her in to the group as a whole. You have mentioned that she has a "history" there, so not knowing what exactly happened, I'm not sure if my comment fits. People usually step up when asked. I certainly hope they do for you and Caroline.
Terri,
What is the name of this school and where is it?
Virginia
Have you ever read, "Quieting a Noisy Soul" by Jim Berg? You can listen to some excerpts instantly offling.
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