Thursday, January 7, 2010
Not the Mom I Want to Be
I know there is no perfect parent out there. I was very idealistic about my mothering capabilities when we first embarked on this adventure called parenting. But when I see the depth of my failures sometimes, my inate ability to be self-centered and sloppy in my child-rearing, even unkind and unfair, I am arrested by the dichotomy between my desires and my actions. Yes, I have challenging kids, yes we have a difficult set of circumstances, but the greatest stress I encounter is mine that I create unneccesarily by not thinking before I react.
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6 comments:
You know you're not alone in that. And it's especially hard after a winter break and then snow days on top of it. My kids went the first day back on Tuesday, and it's snow days the rest of the week. I find it really hard to be the parent I want to be at this point.
I think we can all agree with Paul in Philippians:
Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.
I think we are twins, Megan.
And as for forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead and pressing on toward the goal to win the prize? HA! It often is much more about me getting what I want - or whining mercilessly because I didn't get it - or being a complete *itch about whatever. I'll never get that prize. Jesus is the only one who could ever win it which He did on the cross.
I think you are both right in how we are to view ourselves and our relationship with God. God assures us of His mercy and grace on this journey and to keep our eyes fixed on Him and the race He enables us to win in the end. We know that on our own we are destitute in many ways, helpless until He picks us up. I have bee seeing the ugliness of my selfish ways and that is when we find His
mercy anew.
Megan, I too lost it last night with Kenzie. She was trying to help, but the baby was screaming and she was loosing her patience so I lost mine too. It didn't help that I had a headache and I was trying to fix dinner. But those are all excuses. In those times is when we need to rely completely on Him. Thank goodness for His grace when we completely forget and fail. By the way, we ended up taking the baby to urgent care and she has double ear infections! No wonder she was screaming. And McKenz graciously forgave me.
Also, I wrote you a reply to one of my blogs asking about the vitamins you give Caroline. I don't think you read it. You are always so good about replying and answering all of my questions. Thanks for that! Hope you have an awesome day relying completely in His spirit! Amy
Megan, You are so hard on yourself. It seems as though you are beating yourself up but as far as I can tell, you are a fantastic mom. You are compassionate and very aware of what is going on in your family. That is far more than some parents do, many are just in denial or tend to push away those who suffer.
Simply having this blog means a lot, that you care enough about your daughter and what is going on to share and get feedback and support for what you go through.
Give yourself some credit, you deserve it!
I agree. You are not alone. I think my favorite Paul scriptures are in Galatians. We accept the Holy Spirit is able to save our eternal lives, but he don't believe He is enough to get us through our daily lives. (Gal 3:1-5
Also, we often put ourselves back under the yoke of slavery to our own laws, not ones the Lord has given us.
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