Anxiety Creeping Back In

The anxiety that I struggled with constantly before Caroline went to the RTC has come back. I find myself tense and snappy. She is better, but will always be bipolar, and there are things about bipolar kids that are so draining. Like the constant struggle with boredom. I know from email by other MOBPKS (moms of bipolar kids) that their kids also lack self-direction and are always complaining about being bored. They crave structure and a "plan" and if they don't feel they have enough, they feel very anxious and lost, which can lead to meltdowns. Last night she had her first real "meltdown" over this very issue.

She had gone the entire day without a "mission" and it drove her crazy. I had a busy day yesterday and was also seriously sleep deprived (I am definitely not sleeping as well as I did all summer) and so had no energy to go anywhere and do anything. I resorted to an old way of deflecting the situation by distracting her from her downward spiral with "let's go out to eat" which was not in the budget. I did it out of desperation because I felt paralyzed myself. I realized today I need to have a plan of action written down and posted somewhere so if my brain is foggy I can remember what I can do to help her that doesn't involve taking her out of the house and spending money, which really put a drag on our finances. At least this time I took the other ones with us so that they wouldn't feel like they were being left behind because of Caroline all over again. Today I planned a trip to the beach and Caroline was quite happy to spend hours boogey-boarding in the surf.

As for a daily plan, we are buying her a white board so that she can write down her daily schedule in her room every night and not be bugging me constantly about "what's next." My younger two entertain themselves far better than she does. School starts in less than a week! Yay!