Overreaction Disorder

That's what I have, after years of parenting a bipolar kid.  Now that she is gone at the residential treatment center, I am seeing how much I overreact to everything.  Sort of a PTSD response.  When Caroline is here, everyone walks on eggshells.  We never know what might irritate her next, sending her into paroxysms of emotional turmoil.  So she is not here, but I find myself reacting much too strongly to every annoyance, every misbehavior, with over-the-top responses.  At least I can see it, really see it now.  And I hate it.  I think I had nightmares all night last night after having a bad evening with our youngest, who is severely ADHD, and highly gifted, and does everything in her power to avoid homework.  I lost it at her yesterday, got down on her level, and asked her (loudly) why she does this every night, does she enjoy the results, does she see how this ruins our evenings!?  But she overreacts to every irritation, and so does Jane and Elizabeth, and I see it in my husband as well.  I don't want to blame Caroline completely--we are all responsible for how we respond to the problems of life--but we are all so tightly wound up from years of Caroline's unpredictability, we just spin out emotionally without warning.  

I was getting my nails done the other day, and the manicurist kept telling me to relax my fingers because I was holding them so stiffly and  he was having trouble getting the job done.  I realized that I was also holding my breath, feeling that fight or flight tension that I have lived with for so long.  I hold my breath a lot, unconsciously.  Sometimes, to get out of this head to toe stiffness, I will start singing some musical number, full out, usually from Les Miserables or West Side Story, because you have to breathe and use your diaphram to have good control.  After a few minutes of this, I feel so much better.  I haven't found a better deep breathing technique that works for me.  So I'll sing on!