Hormonal Issues

It is bad enough being bipolar, but if you have a young teenage girl, add in the emotional roller coaster of her monthly cycle, and watch out!  As Caroline says, it is like PMS on steroids!  Today I took her to a female gyn who specializes in balancing hormones in women using both all natural supplements as well as prescription medications.  Caroline seems to be estrogen-dominant, maybe having Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, exhibiting many of the symptoms, including a burst ovarian cyst at the age of 11 which required surgery!  Poor girl.  She has been suffering from terrible acne which, no matter what the dermatologist prescribed, wouldn't go away.  So we got a prescription today for Loestrin 24 Fe, birth control essentially, but with the sole purpose of lightening up her cycles, making them more regular, and improving her skin.  This med includes five tablets of iron to take during her period.  Great idea!  Except that iron can interfere with the absorption of some of her meds.  So maybe we will skip those.

By the way, Depakote has been linked to developing Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome.  Caroline was taking Depakote before she suffered from the cyst.  Coincidence, maybe, but still very suspicious.

The Rozerem didn't work that well last night.  Dr. Parker says that if a female is estrogen-dominant, her sleep can be affected.  Maybe if her hormones get straightened out, she will sleep better.

Rozerem

We are adding Rozerem to Caroline's nighttime mix since she is still having trouble staying asleep.  So we are swapping out the Melatonin, and the Clonidine, and hoping that Rozerem will do the trick.  Bipolar disorder is frequently accompanied by sleep issues, so taking a sleep aid is common, and she has been on Rozerem before a few years back.  She couldn't go to her homeschool classes again yesterday because her sleep was all messed up.  Bummer.  I hope she can still pass these classes!  Since they only meet once a week, if you miss, you miss a lot.

Thank You

Thank you for all of the encouraging words you have been sending.  I need them this week.  I know many of you out there are also experiencing rough times with the change of seasons.  I am praying for you as well.  We all need each other as we walk through the valley.  Sometimes it really does feel like death.  There is light at the end of the tunnel, or at the end of the valley, but sometimes it is clouded over and very hard to see.

The Blues

We've got them.  Bill and I are really down right now over the whole job thing.  Add to that the stress of college coming up for our oldest next year, Caroline not doing that great at the moment, and the constant frustration of not being able to get anything done ever it seems, and you have the blues.  I hate the month of October as pretty as it is.  Historically, bad things have happened in October in my life.  I always look forward to November.  Except this year Christmas will be very tight.  Uugh, stupid economy!!   Oh well, maybe we will just focus more on the reason for the season.   Sounds good.  But it is always the working out of great ideas that tests your best desires.

Bad Night

Big explosion tonight.  I think Caroline is stressed out about many, many things.  So is my husband.  Bad combination tonight, pretty volatile.  Lot's of cooling off to do for both parties.  Sigh. I hope the job materializes very soon so we can all feel a little more normal.  Good night.

Learning to De-Stress

And it's about time, at 43, that I embrace the discipline of relaxing.  Yes, discipline, because for most of us the tendency to freak out, stress out, hold our breath, pull our hair out, is the natural inclination rather than taking a deep breath, viewing the crisis in perspective, unwrinkling our brows, relaxing our shoulders, and in general simply refusing to allow someone else's mess to determine our own emotional state.  Easier said than done, but I am tired of being stressed out over what others think of me, my house, my clothes, my kids, my husband, my math skills (no cash register at work!), my homework-helper skills, and so on.  Life is too short to take on someone else's opinions, worries, bitterness, and anger.  Why do I say no to my own needs and yes to everyone else's wants?  Why do I make excuses for not doing the important because the trivial gets in the way?

We all have our flaws and our struggles, but if we lived our lives with the perspective that people are more important than stuff, schedules, money, and careers, than we would all slow down and have far more quality in our lives.  I am all for it.

Letter to My Oldest

I know you read this blog.  So I just wanted you to know how much I love you and that even though it seems like all the attention goes to Caroline, you are the apple of our eye, our much loved firstborn daughter!  We delight in you and in all of your funny ways.  You bring joy to us in so many regards.  You are a great kid!  We love each of our daughters equally, even if one seems to require more of our time.   I am sorry life has been so hard sometimes in our home.  We wish it could have been so different, but God gave us a special challenge.  We look forward to the years ahead when you will have more freedoms and more time to develop who you were meant to be, away from what feels like chaos so often.  You have been a trooper and we are so proud of you and your many accomplishments.  We know that you will go far in life, and that you will use your many gifts to glorify God and serve others!  Much love, Mom (let's go to the gym!)